Wearing whatever you want: don't advertise it if you're not selling it

Hello ladies all over the world. How many times have you heard the line "Wear whatever the fuck you want!" with reasonable feminist anger behind it? I get it, women have agency. And we should be able to wear what we want and not have to worry about "tempting" men or whatever other sexist side effects and comments that come from our choice of wardrobe.

But let's face it: clothing is a part of our identity. You wear what you feel will best suit you. And you are sending people messages with your clothing. Tight pants and a fedora? Hipster. Dreads and tie-dye? Hippy. Doc Martens and plaid skirt? Preppy. I hate to make generalizations, but people do this all the time. They just do. They look at you, and then they sum you up. So what kind of message do you think you are sending when you are wearing a low-cut tight dress to the bar? Do you think people will think you are just there to dance and have a great time with your friends? Partially, maybe. But remember that clothing is a performance, and that every time you go out, dressed in anything, you are performing an identity. That low-cut tight dress - did you buy it for you, or did you buy it to impress others? Maybe a combination of both, who knows? Because all that ends up mattering, regarding how you are treated, is what others think of your performance. It's a terrible and harsh reality. But there it is.

I believe in giving your body the respect it deserves. Everyone's notion of respecting their own body differs, depending on what your values are. Are you offended by men staring at your half-exposed boobs as you gyrate on the dance floor? My next question is: why are you offended? If getting looks from others was not part of the reason you wore what you did, and if accentuating your breasts was not something you intended to do, then I would suggest opting for a less revealing article of clothing. There are lots of flattering clothes out there that will accentuate your body, but send a different message. Personally, I would hate to have my body looked at as simply a piece of meat out on a dance floor. Some people will look at you that way regardless of what you wear. But speaking as a woman who is usually not interested in other women's boobs, I still find that I can't help but look at the exposed breasts of someone dressed in a low-cut top, even if just for a second. If your intention was to draw gazes to your chest, then great, you've accomplished your mission. But don't get offended if other people look. That's what you put them out there for, right?

All I'm trying to say is: Yes, you CAN wear whatever the fuck you want. But do so intelligently. Purposefully. And know exactly what kind of message you are sending out there when you put on your next party frock.