Today I was approached by missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I don't mind people sharing their religious views...when I know them, and when the topic turns towards religion. I do, however, mind it when random people in the street approach me, asking me if I pray, if I believe in God, and tell me that God knows my name and cares for me. Why? I have several reasons. I think I will write this in letter-form, as it best captures my feelings.
Dear missionaries,
First of all, in a world that relies so heavily on technology, and in a world where information is so accessible, I already know what Mormonism is, and what they believe in - enough so that I don't need random strangers telling me about it. If I want to know more about your religion, I will look it up online, thank you very much. Give me your info card, tell me to have a good day, and please move on. I have spent a good 5 years when I was younger questioning my faith - and it's taken me a long time to feel like I can accept not believing in religion. I believe in God - but not religion. I don't need you to tell me what God does, and what God is. It's a personal question. I don't think it would be acceptable to go around asking people if they are currently sexually active - this, to me, is the same as asking them if they believe in God. In other words, it's none of your bloody business.
Secondly, I am uncomfortable telling you about my beliefs because I know that you are judging me, or trying to convert me. Your efforts are purely towards getting me to believe that you are right about God. You are not approaching me in order to have an open-minded discussion about God and religion - you are approaching me to tell me how right you are, and how I should change what I believe so that I, too, can be right. I have the feeling that if I start to criticize or question your religion, you would not like it. Why? Perhaps because we don't know each other. Perhaps because it would feel like a personal attack. So, then, think about it: if you would feel that way about me questioning your faith, how do you imagine I feel when you are questioning mine?
Thirdly, you ask me if I would be interested in joining a group of people who are my age to go to church, right after I tell you that I am not a church-goer, and that I am not religious. I feel insulted by your suggestion, because by telling me this, you are implying that I would be interested in the social aspect of religion more than I would in the inner faith part of it. It's as if you're telling me: "Oh, well, I guess if you don't go to church for your soul, then at least you can go to make some friends! That way you can still be saved!" It seems pretty clear to me that if I tell you that I am not a church-goer, and not religious, then you should back off and preach your suggestions to someone else.
Fourthly, after all this, you then ask me if I know anyone WHO MIGHT NEED HELP. Do you know what you have just asked me, indirectly? You have just asked me: "Do you have any non-believer friends who are clearly depressed because they are non-believers, and who need our God?" Yeah, because you assume that I hang out with a bunch of non-believers like me who CLEARLY NEED HELP. Again, although you might not mean to insult me, your implications ARE in fact very insulting. By using the word "help," you imply that we are lacking something, and that you have just the thing to make us better. So, my answer to that is: no, I don't know anyone who needs HELP. And even if I did, I'm not giving their name or contact info to a random stranger I met on the street who just thoroughly insulted me. Not a chance.
Lastly, please learn how to read body language. I was clearly not enjoying our chat, despite the polite smile on my face. I could not wait for you to finish and leave me alone. If you see someone feeling uncomfortable about the subject of discussion, you STOP TALKING. You do not, in fact, continue to make them squirm by pushing on with your agenda, because it accomplishes nothing. In fact, it might even make them like you less - which is exactly what happened. If you had stopped with your first three sentences: "Hi, how's it going? We're missionaries. Here's our website if you want to check it out," then I would have probably liked you much, much more. As a result of you pushing on past three or four personal questions, however, I have come to dislike you.
I understand the need for religion. I do. And I have great respect for those who can be religious and respectful of others who have different beliefs. I have some very good friends who are religious, and I love them. I love them not because they are religious, and I love them not in spite of it. In fact, my love for them is not connected whatsoever to their religiousness. We get along because they can understand where I come from when I tell them that I have my own beliefs, and that I am not likely to agree with them on their views of the world. I am accepting of their views of the world, and they are accepting of mine. So, please, if you are a missionary, learn how to be respectful of others who are not religious. We do not need your "help." And we don't need you to question us. Because I can guarantee you that most of us have already questioned ourselves. And for many of us, being non-religious is a choice that is just as difficult as being religious. It takes a lot of faith.
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